I'm back on my BS 🤪

I’m back on my bullshit.

  • 0 Posts
  • 46 Comments
Joined 5 months ago
Cake day: May 28th, 2024
  • I'm back on my BS 🤪@lemmy.autism.placetoGreentext@sh.itjust.works•Anon gets diagnosed
    2·
    2 months ago

    remember saying no has to have consequences!

    • Yep! I’ve put that into practice. Sick of giving everyone the benefit of the doubt. I think I used to give it a lot because I thought I needed it a lot due to my autistic traits missing social cues and whatever implications people took from my statements/behaviors. Lately, I’ve recognized that a lot of what I thought were the impact of my aloof behaviors were actually others shaming me. Previously, I would just assume I messed up and would try to learn social rules from it. Now, I’m at the point that if I say something and someone took it wrong, we can address it collaboratively. But if I’m the one that is expected to make changes to accommodate their perception rather than negotiating a happy middle in which we both make changes, then forget it. I’m not going to be the one that is automatically “wrong” whenever there is a disagreement.

    mostly, their words dont fit into their actions.

    • Yes!! I learned the acronym ABB: Always Believe Behavior. If someone says something but behaves differently, the behavior is the truth.

    look out for key phrases - one might be: "So you are saying? " this is usually followed by a thing you did not say at all.

    • I’ve been working on something similar. Basically, I’m tired of people telling me what I mean and more importantly, what my intentions are or why I do things. Thinking back to the people I remember using that phrase often, those people ended up being unbearable to me. Eventually, I would just stay quiet to avoid them taking anything the wrong way, which meant I would stop existing. Sucks I went through all of that, but at least I learned how to use I-statements well!

    another might be: “I am so sorry you feel that way.”

    • And “you’re too sensitive!” lol. I seriously want a shirt on it that says “I’m too sensitive” to wear it like a badge of honor.

    What i do for the “so you are saying” is the following: I bid them politely and soft spoken to repeat the question, as soon as they are past 3 words, I interrupt them really loud and aggressive with: “NO, I DID NOT SAY THAT AT ALL!” then I shut up and stare. I say nothing. the other guy has to say something first. it is a powerstruggle.

    • That doesn’t seem like something that would work well with my style of interaction, but I appreciate the example. I rarely talk through implication unless I’m making a ridiculous joke. Aside from underplaying my feelings and experiences, I think I am very direct. So, if someone is asking me, “So you are saying…?” then there is a major disconnect in communication, or we’re back to that “putting words in my mouth” crap. Either way, if that happens infrequently, then it might be tolerable. If it’s a routine thing, then there’s no need to maintain that relationship.

    combative, social, competetive, diplomacy or bartering. dont make my mistake, each and every situation was always social for me.

    • In the past, I would fawn when I noticed competitiveness hoping that their “win” would cause them to stop it, but I’ve learned that more often than not, they’re never satisfied. The point isn’t to win. It’s to dominate. I’ve done a lot better with combative environments in the past year, so I’m happy with that progress. While I’ve learned to reject combative situations, I have still stayed in for longer than I should have in competitive ones. I’m working on leaving those situations much quicker now though. Lately, I’ve been immersing myself in situations that are collaborative or at the least, understanding. There’s definitely a different feel to it. It’s much nicer and enjoyable. The competitive ones are exhausting.
    • Bonus: Hanging around other neurodivergent people has helped me gain perspective by seeing how people treat them. It’s a lot easier for me to see toxic and manipulative behaviors happen from a 3rd person perspective. Once I see it, then it’s easier to recognize when it’s happening to me in 1st person. Bonus from bonus: helps me have a lot of compassion for myself.

    ok, I am glad you pulled yourself up by your bootstraps. (figure of speech)

    • Thank you, and you too! I appreciate the conversation. I hope you have a nice week also.
  • I'm back on my BS 🤪@lemmy.autism.placetoGreentext@sh.itjust.works•Anon gets diagnosed
    3·
    2 months ago

    Really‽ Can you help me understand how? I’m not offended in anyway at all. I would just like to gain some awareness of how my communication is perceived by others, so I think it would be helpful for me to understand your perspective. I know that people can be reserved because they feel cautious with intercultural topics, so if you feel more comfortable, feel free to DM instead. Whatever works for you 🙂

  • I'm back on my BS 🤪@lemmy.autism.placetoGreentext@sh.itjust.works•Anon gets diagnosed
    241·
    2 months ago

    Yoooo, I’m AuDHD and my father was a raging narcissist (possibly psychopath). Additionally, I’m currently recovering from CPTSD after a hell of a lot of recent emotional abuse. I get the intense emotions feeling invalidated brings up. They’re legit and justified. As a survivor of that insane childhood and environment, it hurts to see others go through it because I know how bad it can be. Other people will never be able to understand it if they even believe you, so I’m sorry you went through that. You were just a kid, and no matter your reactions and behaviors at the time, it wasn’t your fault. It couldn’t have been your fault because it’s all you knew.

    Sometimes though, people are only asking a question to gather information and clarify, not build a case against you, imply that you’re “wrong”, and make you look like the “crazy one”. I can’t speak on their behalf, but I think @candyman337@sh.itjust.works was just asking to understand better and didn’t mean anything against you by it. If that’s the case, then while your reaction makes complete sense, you might have better outcomes if you were to practice assessing situations and responding in a way that helps you reach your goals. This would give you more control over your life while compassionately validating yourself. It would also help you avoid the trap that narcissists lay when they trigger you to act out to make you look unhinged. So either way, unless you’re in immediate physical danger, staying calm and collected is the best move.

    Also, my intention is merely to help you. I am not trying to insult you, imply fault, or make any judgement on your character. We all make mistakes sometimes (I still make them all the time), so it is completely understandable. All it means is that you’re trying, and that’s something to be proud of considering the history of what you’ve been through. I hope this comment helps you ❤️

  • I'm back on my BS 🤪@lemmy.autism.placetoGreentext@sh.itjust.works•Anon tries to remember a song
    2·
    2 months ago

    I took a music appreciation class in undergrad that had us learn the names of many famous pieces and composers, but Looney Tunes really hooked it up with educating an entire generation on classical symphonic music. Had they included the titles and composers of the pieces in a corner of the screen when playing the music, we’d all be fancy-pants music connoisseurs without taking any college courses for it. There’s a lesson in there somewhere. Imagine what else children could learn if what they find interesting is properly infused with educational material.

  • I'm back on my BS 🤪@lemmy.autism.placetoPrivacy@lemmy.ml•Talk me down: Teams could be a tool of mass data gatheringEnglish
    5·
    3 months ago

    Every single corporation is doing what they’re legally bound to do: increase profits for shareholders. Companies don’t and never have cared about the customer. They care about a customer as much as you care about an NPC. What’s with people thinking that they ever cared??

    Of course MS is using that data. Why wouldn’t they?? Would they lose customers if people found out? Nope. If you were in charge of making that decision, you would use that data too. And if you’re too held to your privacy morals, you’ll never be in that position at MS because they only place people that will decide to maximize profits.

    Here’s how you know a company is doing something: Would it make them more money? Then theyre doing it. That’s it.

    Also, it’s MICROSOFT!! lol Not Mozilla, RedHat, Canonical, or the Linux Foundation. Remember when someone shoved a pie in Bill Gates face?

  • I'm back on my BS 🤪@lemmy.autism.placetoGreentext@sh.itjust.works•Anon goes to the gym
    2813·
    3 months ago

    I went to the gym for about 9 months straight in 2021. I didn’t have one conversation, and that was exactly how I wanted it. I don’t want to meet a banging girl that has a thick gym body so all my bro friends can think I’m the man while she walks around the entire gym pretending to not be showing off in those tight pants that go up her cracks. I don’t want a bro friend to give me diet suggestions and brag about how he has figured a workout regiment better than all the physiologists in the world. I want to workout, listen to my music from my ear buds, stim and process my anger between sets, and talk to myself without anyone looking at me.